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SNAFFLES' DOG.* / 

THOMAS DUNN KNGLISH. 

Remarkable dogs ? Yes. Silas Snaffles had a dog. I 
do not state that as a remarkable fact, because many other 
people have had dogs. The dog was not of any peculiar 
breed. He was not a Scotch deer-hound, nor a Thibet 
mastiff, nor a Siberian bloodhound, nor a Mount St. Ber- 
nard, nor a Newfoundland, nor a black-and-tan terrier, 
nor a King Charles spaniel ; nor was he— and I insist on 
that particularly, for the credit of the animal— a Spitz dog. 
He was nothing of the kind, thank you. He was a yellow 
cur, with long hair, who had probably been kicked out by 
a former master, had come to the premises of Snaffles in 
search of a stray bone, and having been well- treated had 
remained there. It was not because of his race, color or pre- 
vious condition of servitude that I mention him, but since, 
as he is the hero of the story, it is positively necessary to 
bring him before you, or the story could not be told. 

So much for the dog. And now for the master. 

Silas Snaffles was a very obhging man, and never liked 
to refuse anybody anything. If you were to ask him to ac- 
cept the loan of ten dollars, or to take a drink, or to go to 
the theatre at your expense, Sil";S would say *' Yes " with 
a promptitude and decision that showed he was ready 
and willing to obhge you. So, one day, when a friend said 
to him, " Snaffles, that dog's tail is too long," Snaffles re- 
plied at once, " Yes, I think it is ; I've neglected my duty 
in that respect, I'll cut it off right away." Then he invei- 
gled the dog to the wood-pile, and by proper manipulation 
got him to lay his tail on a block, holding him with the left 
hand, while he chopped his tail off with a hatchet in his 
right. The swish of the blow alarmed the brute, who 
twisted his body ; but the hatchet came down all the same, 
and cut off the tail diagonally, besides inflicting a wound 

* Copyright, Dick & Fitzgerald, 1879. , 






16 SNAEFLES' DOG. 

in the viciDity. The dog escaped; and, after faihng to as- 
sume a semicircular shape, in order to hck the wound, 
ran into the house. There he dropped blood on the carpet, 
whereupon Mrs. Snaffles coaxed him to leave with the 
broom-handle, and the animal ran to the stable. He did 
not come back to the house for two days, and then only 
because hunger forced him. But he avoided his master. 
Such is the ingratitude of the canine heart. 

The wound healed up in due time, and the dog made up 
with Snaffles. He not only wagged his tail when he met 
his master, but not having as much tail to wag as before, 
wriggled the parts adjacent by way of emphasis and good 
measure. That dog began to think his troubles were over. 
But that was an error of judgment. They had only begun. 

Another friend of Snaffles' met him. '' Why don't you 
cut that dog's ears off f he asked. '^ He'll get into a fight 
with some other dog presently, and have his ears torn to 
ribbons, and be whipped into the bargain." *^ That's so," 
replied Snaffles, '^ I never thought of that before. Thank 
you, I'll crop him immediately." He tied up that dog, head 
and heels, so that he couldn't stir, and with a i^air of shears 
brought each ear to a fine point. The dog indulged in 
music at the time, and developed the upper part of his 
register surprisingly. When he was released he ran at 
once into the woods, and did not come back for a week ; 
and then he was the most gaunt and unkempt dog possi- 
ble. He moved around in a sneaking way, and cast un- 
kind looks upon his kind master, unconscious of the fact 
that all had been done for his personal adornment and 
positive good. 

I Well, those wounds healed up too, and after awhile the 
dog, with all the thoughtlessness of his race, forgot all 
aboist it. Possibly he beheved there was no farther trou- 
ble in store for him. There his judgment was at fault again. 

A third friend met Snaffles' with his dog at his heels. 
^^ Snaffles, my boy," said the friend, " that wouldn't be 



SNAFFLES' DOG. 17 

sucb a bad dog but for bis color." *^ But I can't help tbat, 
I assure you," said Snaffles. ^' Ob, yes, you can," rejoined 
the other; '' you can send him to the dye-house under the 
hill, and have him dyed." '^ Bless me !" ejaculated Snaffles, 
*' so I can. Tbat is an obvious solution of the difficulty. I 
shall send him right away." So Snaffles sent the dog and 
a boy down the hill, with a note to the dyer. By and by ,- 
the boy returned with the dyer's comphments, and he. 
would like to know what color the dog was to receive. " I 
don't know," said Snaffles. " Tell Mr. Tint to dye him 
with any color he has on hand." In about two hours more 
the dyer's man brought up a bill for five dollars. Snaffles 
opened his eyes at this ; but the man explained that the 
dog could not be put into the boihng copper, or he would 
be dead as well as dyed; that the stuff had to be cooled; 
that it took more of the costly mordant to fix the color. 
Snaffles discharged the bill, and then the man informed 
him that the dog would be up as soon as he was dry, that 
the color was setting beautifully, and was sure to wash. 

After dinner, while Snaffles was working away at the 
flowers in his front yard, his wife called out from the second- 
story window, front, '' Silas, just look at that queer dog !" 
Silas looked, and in the next moment the dog dashed in. 
The animal looked like an enormous live coal. He seemed 
to light up everything. He was dyed a light orange-scar- 
let. He had come up the hill scattering sparks hke a 
rocket. Old Cy had met him, and the appearance half 
sobered him. He became convinced that he had the deli- 
rium tremens, and went off to his namesake, Cy Bosch, and 
signed the pledge, making it more binding by the sign of 
the cross, and the cabahstic words, '^his mark," and kept 
it for nearly twenty-four hours. Mrs. Snaffles just sat 
down and cried, and then inveigled the dog into the back 
kitchen, and plunged him in a bath of soap-suds, and 
lathered him and drenched him and soaked him ; but all 
this only brought out the color with additional brilliancy, 



18 SNAFFLES' DOG. 

until it lit the place with its lurid glow. Then she gave it 
up. '^ Silas/' said the partner of his bosom, '' you must get 
him dyed black. That color is too ridiculous." Silas ac- 
ceded. '* Just as you remark/' he said. '' Black is a good 
color." And he started off with the dog to the dye-house. 
On his way there every passer felt disposed to warm his 
fingers at the dog, and all the dogs met pitched into Snaf- 
fles' dog, and Snaffles was treated to a half dozen dog- 
tights that were not interfered with by the Society for the 
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. 

But the dyer wouldn't be in black for a week. For seven 
days Snaffles had to stop and explain the matter to curious 
people, and the dog was kept locked up in the stable, and 
the place was thronged by neighbors who were anxious to 
see the dog. But at last the dyer dyed the dog black. The 
bright color underneath was not quite subdued, and he had 
an orange- tawny purple hue. The dyer said he could give 
him a second dip next week, and complete the color. 

Mrs. Snaffles was struck with the new shade, and desired 
to get a silk of the same tint, if possible. So she cut off 
some of the fringe from the stump of the dog's tail and 
■wrapped it in tissue paper, and went to Stewart's and Lord 
& Taylor's in an endeavor to match it. The salesman 
asked her what kind of goat the hair came from, and Mrs. 
Snaffles, who had been reading in the Cyclopedia, under 
the letter D, said it was canis vulgaris, and the salesman 
said he had heard that a few of the kind had been brought 
here recently. But she did not succeed in getting that 
particular shade in any kind of dress-goods. 

In a week the dog had the finishing touches put on, and 
looked like a first-class funeral. He grew vain of his per- 
sonal appearance, and put on so many airs about it, that 
he was taken in hand, or more correctly speaking, in mouth, 
by several of the big dogs in the vicinity; who shook all 
the conceit out of him. 

Snaffles and the dog had a rest for some time. But in 



SNAFFLES' DOG. 19 

about a montli the dog's hair grew so as to show the new 
yellow part of the capillary adornment, and the appearance 
of the dog was ofteusive to good taste. 

A iburth friend met Snaffles and the dog in their walk. 
'' Snaffles," he said, '^ don't you think that dog looks rather 
absurd!" Snaffles admitted the absurdity, and the friend 
resumed his remarks : *' Why don't you get him shaved f 
^'Shaved! howf ^' Get one of those fellows that clip 
horses, you know, to do it." '^ That's a good suggestion," 
replied Snaffles. ''It shall be done with dispatch." So 
the dog was sent off to the horse-clipper's, and duly re- 
turned divested of his capillary covering, in company with 
a bill for five dollars. Snaffles demurred ; but the clipper 
assured him that the dog had given extra trouble, that 
it took two men to hold him, and that he wouldn't take 
a second job of the kind at any price. Snaffles then paid 
up hke a man. As for the dog, who had not been consulted 
during these varied and rather disagreeable processes, he 
seemed to enjoy the last. The weather was warm, and the 
removal of the heavy hair rendered him particularly light 
and airy. The dog was pleased, Snaffles was pleased, and 
the two went out for a stroll. 

A fifth friend met the two — it was -another each time, 
and looked very much like part of a conspiracy. '^ Snaffles, 
my boy," said he, '^ that is a Chinese dog, I see. Are they not 
rather tender for this chmate ?" " Why, yes ; but you see 
that isn't a Chinese dog— it is mine." *' Of course, I know 
it is yours; but the variety — the kind, I mean." '' I tell 
you it is my dog — he's been shaved." '^ Shaved! Good 
gracious ! Who was his barber *? Shaved ! That is the 
most extraordinary thing I ever heard of. It seems to me 
you don't keep your dogs long. You used to have a yellow 
dog ; then you got a red one ; then a purple ; then a black ; 
then a mottled fellow ; and now one without any hair. For 
extent and variety you exceed all dog-fanciers." Snaffles 
was too disgusted to make any answer to this, and walked 



20 GO VAT, BECKY MILLER; GO VAY I 

ou. His good-natm^e was oozing out. It left his head first, 

and made him snappish. Then it abandoned his arms, 
and his fists began to double up. Then it got down lower 
and lower, and finally escaped through his toes. Just as 
they came to where the bridge crossed the creek, he raised 
his right foot and kicked the dog. All the maUce, anger 
and general cussedness so long pent in by good -nature and 
an obhgiug disposition vented themselves at once, and with 
a terrific concentration of vigor. It took the dog right un- 
der the jaw. It broke his neck, and at the same time hfted 
his body like a petard. The dog arose in air, described a 
parabola with mathem^ical precision — there was a splash, 
a disappearance from sight, a few bubbles arose in pearly 
mystery to the surface, a succession of rippUng rings 
widened on the water, and then there was a solemn still- 
ness. Snaffles leaned on the railing of the bridge, and 
looked over. 

Presently the first friend came along. 

*' Hallo, Snaffles !" he said. " Where is your dog?" 

The reply of Snaffles was given with great intensity. It 
was brief and poiuted. It- consisted of the word — ''Dead !" 
and two others in the imperative mood, consigning his 
friend to a place whose warmth it is impossible to gauge 
by any known thermometer. 

But Snaffles' dog was at peace. He had gone to the oozy 
bottom of the water, to be troubled no more. 



GO VAY, BECKY MILLER, GO VAY ! 

ANO 

I don't lofe you now von schmall little bit, 

My dream vas blayed ond, so you can git np and git ; 

Mit your false -headed vays T can't get along mit — 

Go vay, Becky Miller, go vay ! 
Vas all der young vomans so false-head like you, 
Mit a face nice and bright, and a heart black and plue. 



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